It has been about 7 months since I quite the birth control. That isn't that long, but I think of those lucky people who get pregnant on the first try.. I would be 7 months along! That is just crazy to me! Honestly the 7 months have gone by pretty fast, I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that we were waiting. I never got my period and so I waited in January, I waited in February in March I knew I had to go to the doctor because something wasn't right. The husband wasn't all that convinced that it was something I needed to go to the doctor for, well because he is a man and if it isn't a dire emergency he isn't going to go to a doctor. Also because he is a man and doesn't understand women. HEHE. He was supportive of me going when he knew how important I felt it was... low and behold I find out I have PCOS and I am not ovulating. I can't say it was a complete and utter shock, but at the same time it was. My sister has PCOS and it never really ever crossed my mind that I would have it too.. I mentioned it to my doctor when she was requesting all this blood work I said " I don't know if this matters or not, and I hope it doesn't matter, but my sister has PCOS" my doctor scribbled something on her notes and said "let's test you just in case" and said "if the test results lead to that I will refer you to an OB" (she is a nurse practitioner) and then I get the phone call.. go to the OB. Anyways so doctor appointment after doctor appointment I got things i needed, I got a prescription to get my.. how can I put this pleasant... "cycle" and well that never worked. I haven't called my doctor because he knew after day 10 it didn't work, and i don't like him and i really don't feel like spending $200 to tell them it didn't work, to spend another $200 to try again. I am hoping that with the pill I am on now that my body will balance out. It isn't a fertility drug at all, it should actually help the underlying cause of my fertility.
So fertility sucks. I don't want that. I don't want to struggle like others struggle when they deal with infertility.
I want to experience morning sickness, I want to experience the ever growing belly with a baby inside, I want to experience peeing every 15 minutes because the baby is laying on my bladder, or playing soccer with it. I want to experience a baby having hiccups inside of me, I want to experience the kicking of the ribs, I want to know what it is like to go into labor, I want to know what it feels like to have them put the baby on your chest immediately after pushing it out. I want to look at my husband and say "we created that!" I want play dates with other moms. I want to experience the crazy costs of sports in school, the checking for monsters under the bed, I want to watch my own child grow and become an adult.
Do I know that I will be okay if God decides that his plan doesn't include us having children, yes. I know we will make it, and our life will be what God wants therefore, it being a wonderful and fulfilling life.
just...
infertility sucks.
so if you read all this... here is a pretty picture I took at my sisters house. :)
