Monday, January 31, 2011

Domestic Violence

So just recently I started volunteering (I am still in training) to go the hospital and help women that come in from domestic violence. here are some CRAZY things I have learned so far...

The # 1 death for pregnant women is domestic violence. Why you may ask? Well because the abuser is controlling and jealous, they don't want the woman to love the child more than them, they don't want the attention off of them (only some of the reasons)

If you leave your abuser you are 14 times more likely to (for lack of better term) be killed. Why you may ask? Well because again the abuser is a controller. They lose control if you leave them. Some have the mentality of "if not with me, than no one"

Once you leave the abuse DOES NOT stop (necessarily) sometimes it does, but other times it leads to homocide or continue abuse, stalking, breaking in, etc. On the news there was someone who had their abuser living in the attic for 3 months reading her mail, checking her cell phone calls, etc. She grew suspicious and called the cops and they found that someone was definitely living up in the attic.

Isn't that crazy?! I know many people think that if they hit you just leave. And clearly the more you know about this, the harder it actually is. I have learned so much about this that I think I could talk about it for hours and hours!


My husband and I attended a friends wedding last year and the person marrying them ( I have no idea if they were a pastor, justice of the peace, or whatever else, I think it can't be a priest because she was female ..? anyway..) was talking about how people show love in different ways, some people gift give (my husband) some people touch (me), some people express it sexually(questionably my husband) and I can't remember the other two, because well, I didn't relate to those. I will always remember that because until that day I didn't fully understand that concept. I knew people expressed love differently but if I wanted to feel loved, I wanted to be touched (not sexually) but a hand on my back, hold my hand, touch my knee, tickle my back, give me a massage, have your arm touching my arm when we are sitting, be near me, because if I am not all love-y with you at that moment, I do NOT want you to touch me, or be near me. However my husband when he was feeling love-y towards me well wanted "to do the obvious" or he would all of a sudden decide to buy me something nice and something I have always wanted. When he would do this it didn't mean as much to me as it should have, don't get me wrong I REALLY appreciated it, but I didn't understand that this was his expression for love.

I am continually finding out and learning that marriage is really about the other person ( I will continue to find out even more since my husband and I are hosting a growth group through our church on the art of marriage, SUPER excited!) and I need to put my selfishness away and think of my husband/ our marriage. I have really grown a lot in that aspect, I still fail miserably sometimes but I am working on it.  When we first got married I wanted things to be arranged like "if I feel like it then I will, but if I don't want to, I'm not going to" and I would also act like " I am mad at you, because that is my feelings, I don't care, that is how I feel so it is right." I now very seldom get mad at him because I realized that I can't let my emotions control me and I need to accept him the way he is and just because he does things completely different than me (and I mean COMPLETELY) doesn't mean they are wrong or that my way is better.  I have learned so much in our one and a half year marriage I can't imagine what I will have learned in 50 years! :)

Thursday, January 27, 2011

squealing with happiness

 he is too adorable

Love those wrinkles! 

How can you not love him? 


this just makes me smile 

my favorite spot to give him kisses

ok so you all know I am obsessed with my puppy, Porkchop. I love him so much! He makes me laugh all the time, even when he is being very annoying I can't help think how cute he is. When we bought him the description had said that he brings lots of laughter and those words couldn't be truer.. you have to know him to understand how funny he is! ... and the piggy noises that escape his mouth on a regular basis... melts my heart! He just makes me squeal with joy!

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

JAS & Jaz

Here are some pictures I took of Jacquie and Jaz (Jaz is the dog!) :) I took these at the start of fall! I love the colors! I can't wait to work with them again this fall! Working with a dog proved to be harder than I thought. She often just wanted to put her butt to my face! But it was such a blast!

Sunday, January 23, 2011

things from the past affect the future

As many of you know, I do not like being alone when it is time for bed. I have to leave a light on and I still get scared. I have even called my dad at 4:30 in the morning because I heard voices in my house (for those of you who don't know that story, feel free to ask). I love when Jordan is able to be home with me at night and we can go to bed together, I sleep so much better! Well..

I was talking to my sister the other night, and we got into talking about how people live in fear. I never was afraid of the dark or afraid to be alone. I enjoyed it, I would sleep in complete darkness with the  door shut. All by myself..

 I never could piece together what happened that made me afraid to be alone at night. I blamed it on scary movies around halloween that got into my head and couldn't get them out. Last night my sister and I were talking and it hit us.  There was something that triggered this to happen.

A couple years ago I lived with my sister and her boyfriend in an apartment, in Eden Prairie, nothing bad happens in Eden Prairie, we would always say. We would leave our patio door unlocked multiple times, mainly out of forgetting or wanting the breeze. I had went to bed early this particular night because I had to work the next morning. And I had shut the door, turned off all the lights. In the middle of the night I woke up because my door opened and the hallway light was on. I figured it was just Randi and Gabe and mumbled something and fell back asleep. The next morning I get a text from my sister asking me if I took all of her money and computer and camera. I thought... why would I do that, told her NO,  not thinking anything of it, and she had said that someone was in our apartment and robbed us. Then I told her about the light and my door opening and it wasn't her. Well the thought of an intruder in your house really affects you. I tried to act tough and put a sticky note on our patio door saying "stay out of our apartment you piece of Sh** low life loser" Could you tell I was angry? To this day it is creepy to know that someone was in our house, and I was alone(in my room anyway) I found myself wondering if he used our toilet, what all did he see. and my sister who's personal belongings were stolen (mine were safe since they were in the bedroom with me) her camera all her personal moments, her computer with all of that information on it, how violating. It really does affect a person. And since then I have disliked sleeping alone. I won't sleep in the dark unless I am with someone else. Sometimes I sleep better during my afternoon nap with Jordan when it is just 1.5 hours. But to pinpoint the instant that changed your life (now my life hasn't been changed dramatically by any means) and you notice the changes and what causes it, is kind of  crazy.

Friday, January 21, 2011

Wondering how Tugboat came about?

well when I got married my initials became TGB. And at my work we use initials a lot which led me to sign my name in initials at work. The girls would then try and pronounce my initials, which turned into Tugboat. It stuck. I like it, That's the story. I am sure you all will sleep better knowing this.

Married Life

Because I am a "newlywed" people often ask me how married life is... almost all of them are married, or have been married before. THEY KNOW. My response is generic because I know they aren't truly asking. They are asking as a conversation starter. Well married life is.... hmm what is the word? Interesting? Not really.  If you look into my life on any given day, you will find it to be awfully boring. After a month of not speaking to someone and they ask what I have been up to... well cleaning the house, cooking dinner, taking care of a dog and husband, working and hanging out with family and a best friend. I have even learned how to crotchet and sew! Those words right there would put thousands of people to sleep!  My life is busy, but not all that interesting to outsiders (don't get me wrong, I absolutely LOVE my life). Adventurous?... see above. Amazing? At times. Hard? At times. I think married life is indescribable! I find that it is hard to live with someone that is so completely different than me. We grew up almost on different planets. We think completely opposite from each other, so in those aspects it is challenging. But the love I have for my husband and the love that we share and the bond that we have. Put all the hard times with the good and the love that we share that equals indescribable. When you look at the first part of our relationship (for those of you that don't know Jordan and I met in January 2008 for the first time, became friends, started dating at the end of July 2008 and we were engaged on December 13th 2008 at 3:30 am and married on August 22,2009) it was exciting, adventurous! We went to concerts, we went to minneapolis and did fun things that normally we wouldn't do. We were crazy(ok well that might be stretching it,but for us we were crazy!) Anyways I love reliving the path that got me and Jordan to our little lovely boring married life. Here are some memories created along the way.

 Our very first picture together! 
 Deep in thought 
 Jordan singing to me 
 Cheesecake factory
 Jordan trying to push me into the lake
 San Diego Zoo
 Concert (if you couldn't tell) in San Diego

 Engagement/bachelor/bachelorette party in SD
 Bulldog in St Paul, little did we know we would get a bulldog
that is what Jordan would look like if he had my hair