Thursday, June 2, 2011

Infertility sucks.

It has been about 7 months since I quite the birth control. That isn't that long, but I think of those lucky people who get pregnant on the first try.. I would be 7 months along!  That is just crazy to me! Honestly the 7 months have gone by pretty fast, I think a lot of that has to do with the fact that we were waiting. I never got my period and so I waited in January, I waited in February in March I knew I had to go to the doctor because something wasn't right. The husband wasn't all that convinced that it was something I needed to go to the doctor for, well because he is a man and if it isn't a dire emergency he isn't going to go to a doctor. Also because he is a man and doesn't understand women. HEHE. He was supportive of me going when he knew how important I felt it was... low and behold I find out I have PCOS and I am not ovulating. I can't say it was a complete and utter shock, but at the same time it was. My sister has PCOS and it never really ever crossed my mind that I would have it too.. I mentioned it to my doctor when she was requesting all this blood work I said " I don't know if this matters or not, and I hope it doesn't matter, but my sister has PCOS" my doctor scribbled something on her notes and said "let's test you just in case" and said "if the test results lead to that I will refer you to an OB" (she is a nurse practitioner) and then I get the phone call.. go to the OB. Anyways so doctor appointment after doctor appointment I got things i needed, I got a prescription to get my.. how can  I put this pleasant... "cycle" and well that never worked. I haven't called my doctor because he knew after day 10 it didn't work, and i don't like him and i really don't feel like spending $200 to tell them it didn't work, to spend another $200 to try again. I am hoping that with the pill I am on now that my body will balance out. It isn't a fertility drug at all, it should actually help the underlying cause of my fertility.

So fertility sucks. I don't want that. I don't want to struggle like others struggle when they deal with infertility.

I want to experience morning sickness, I want to experience the ever growing belly with a baby inside, I want to experience peeing every 15 minutes because the baby is laying on my bladder, or playing soccer with it. I want to experience  a baby having hiccups inside of me,  I want to experience the kicking of the ribs, I want to know what it is like to go into labor, I want to know what it feels like to have them put the baby on your chest immediately after pushing it out. I want to look at my husband and say "we created that!" I want play dates with other moms. I want to experience the crazy costs of sports in school, the checking for monsters under the bed, I want to watch my own child grow and become an adult.

Do I know that I will be okay if God decides that his plan doesn't include us having children, yes. I know we will make it, and our life will be what God wants therefore, it being a wonderful and fulfilling life.


infertility sucks.

so if you read all this... here is a pretty picture I took at my sisters house. :)


  1. I had some difficulties to become/ stay pregnant (I had extremely low progesterone).. I did LOTS of research and came across vitex. It's a herbal supplement that needs to be taken over a long period of time to be effective and it basically regulates the cycle. Some of what I read was very contradicting, but I felt like I had nothing to loose trying it. Long story short, after about 3 months of taking it I got pregnant and had no problems at all during the pregnancy and now have a very healthy boy. I'm not a doctor or nurse, so I don't know if there could be any negative consequences taking this (it says on the bottle that not to take it while pregnant). They sell it OTC in our vitamin shoppe. I am convinced that taking it until the end of the first trimester is the reason why I am a mommy now...just thought I would let you know about it..

  2. I cried a little while reading this. The part about pregnancy and labor. I believe you were meant to be a mother and one day it will happen Tara!

  3. My wife felt the same way before we had our first child. Some friends waited for years. You'll be a mother one day, Tara.

  4. I just came across this post, and wanted to let you know that you aren't alone! It took us 7 months to conceive. While I was a little glad for a little extra time, I was starting to get ancy about it. When we finally found out, I was in shock. I am really hoping the best for you through this!

  5. Hi Tara, I've had PCOS for years! I found out a year after my husband and I married because I stopped having periods and we thought I was pregnant. What a shocker to find out it was PCOS that I knew nothing about. I did heaps of research and I started a Low GI (glucose index) diet, here in Australia there's a series of books called The Glucose Revolution put out by a leading professor in diabetes and diet, that deals with PCOS.
    I don't know if you understand PCOS yet but it's caused by insulin resistance. Your ovaries though are very sensitive and form cysts and the hormones are all out of whack.
    The best way to break the cycle and become pregnant is to target the insulin resistance, low GI diet and exercise.
    I did it, according to scans I still have poly cystic ovaries but I don't have the syndrome anymore.
    I fell pregnant with my son in the end without any drugs.
    If you have any questions or want any more info about those books just shoot me an e-mail.
    There's a lot of information these days compared to 10 years ago when I was diagnosed.

  6. You will know what it is like. I will be praying for you. A lot of women concieve with PCOS. Let me now if I can do something for you.