Tuesday, June 21, 2011

independent woman

First off I would like to start out by saying that I went up and down 11 flights of stairs today and walked 5.5 miles! Yesterday I ran the longest I have ran and did my fastest 5k! :) {insert happy dance}

I am in independent woman. I always have been. My mom always tells stories how when I was little I would just play for hours by myself and you would never hear a peep out of me. I do what I like to do...what can I say.. I never really thought anything of it until the other day. I was watching The Duggars  (you know the ones that have 20 children and counting) TLC had a special on the oldest son and the birth of their second child. I watched the wedding, and the birth of their first one and then their birth of their second child. Call me weird but I love that show. They are such nice people, yes they are a bit extreme in some circumstances, but I really like a lot of the things they do/say. I love how kind they are to each other, how loving they are to each other, I like that they read the bible every single day, they do volunteer stuff as a family,  modesty is great to have (ok so maybe I don't want to go as modest as they are) and I love love love the rule of never raising their voice. That is something I struggle with big time.. If I am upset I am either yelling or crying or few lucky fella's named husband, puppy get to see them both in action.

Anyways so as I was watching The duggars I was watching Anna and Josh (newly husband and wife) and the mom and dad (of 20) and just how interact with their spouses. It mesmorized me. Anna and Michelle are both always there for their husbands, encouraging them, giving them support. That is awesome. I am not like that, and I wish I was a little bit more. I need to work on being more of an encouraging and supportive wife.

 When you live day to day it is hard to find where you are supposed to be encouraging and supportive (at least for me) I am not going to be "Yay husband, you eat that grapefruit!" "Way to shower!" But I would love to build my husbands confidence and trust with my words. Instead often times I feel like it is a unconscious competition between us for who is right in the argument.

The women also don't ever show that they are annoyed with their husbands or children. HOW DO THEY DO THAT?!! i have such a sharp tongue that even when I mean to be subtle the whole world knows THAT  annoyed me. (don't worry you can read every emotion my husband has very easily too).

I really want to focus on creating an unbreakable bond with my husband. I want to not just "stay married" I want to be the happiest married couple EVER. I know fights, disagreements and not seeing eye to eye will happen, especially when we have children, he is such a softy I am pretty sure he will never discipline our future children, where I think we need to raise kids to become good adults and therefore discipline when the actions aren't appropriate. Ok that totally made me sound like a bitch, but I promise I am not, I have the softest heart for kids, but when they become old enough and naughty I will use some sort of discipline, whether it be a finger pointing at them, counting to three, time outs or whatever. I am aiming to use the timeout method since that is always what i see on super nanny. :) Okay anyways back to what I was talking about... I know we will have disagreements but  I want our marriage to be so strong that those little tiffs don't affect more than 5-10 minutes of our day. I want us to always go to bed happy with each other and our life together. I want us to always talk to each other first, and discuss things and come up with a plan together. Not individually come up with a plan, stumble across the subject and battle it out to see who's plan is best.

I have created a plan of action for my husband and I! Lucky him, right!

pray together every night
read laughing your way to a better marriage together
bible study once a week together ( I have a couples bible/bible study book I bought when we got engaged)
date night once a week
never go to bed angry with one another

so that is our action plan! I am excited about it! I know for me personally there is a lot of improving I have to do as a wife. I need to remember to love my husband the way he appreciates (the 5 love languages) which I have a hard time remembering. But his are receiving gifts  and quality time. My language of love is acts of service and physical touch. The definitions are below.. because I find all this stuff so interesting! I love learning about marriage and people.

receiving gifts(husband)- Don’t mistake this love language for materialism; the receiver of gifts thrives on the love, thoughtfulness, and effort behind the gift. If you speak this language, the perfect gift or gesture shows that you are known, you are cared for, and you are prized above whatever was sacrificed to bring the gift to you. A missed birthday, anniversary, or a hasty, thoughtless gift would be disastrous—so would the absence of everyday gestures.

Quality time(husband)-In the vernacular of Quality Time, nothing says, “I love you,” like full, undivided attention. Being there for this type of person is critical, but really being there—with the TV off, fork and knife down, and all chores and tasks on standby—makes your significant other feel truly special and loved. Distractions, postponed dates, or the failure to listen can be especially hurtful.

acts of service(me)- Can vacuuming the floors really be an expression of love? Absolutely! Anything you do to ease the burden of responsibilities weighing on an “Acts of Service” person will speak volumes. The words he or she most want to hear: “Let me do that for you.” Laziness, broken commitments, and making more work for them tell speakers of this language their feelings don’t matter.

physical touch (me) - This language isn’t all about the bedroom. A person whose primary language is Physical Touch is, not surprisingly, very touchy. Hugs, pats on the back, holding hands, and thoughtful touches on the arm, shoulder, or face—they can all be ways to show excitement, concern, care, and love. Physical presence and accessibility are crucial, while neglect or abuse can be unforgivable and destructive.

got these definitions from here


  1. You know, I am quite a bit like you. I don't hold anything back (most of the time) and really should be a bit more sweet. I, too, want to be the happiest married couple ever. :)

    Marla @ www.blueskiesphotoblog.com

  2. This sounds a lot like me. I should work on this too. Great post!

  3. Hi Tara, I am captivated by more of your writing ... this time on marriage. You had goals for yourself so how have you done? Sometimes having strict goals can backfire on us and takes the joy out of the marriage. If you haven't been able to be consistent, not to worry as each day is a new day to start over. Since you said you were so interested in marriage and the Duggars (cause I love that show too), I would invite you to read the marriage stories of four of our long married friends, and my marriage as well. All of us have been married a long time and the stories share why we have had success. You can read about them in February, 2011. I would love to hear more of your thoughts. Now, I have more stuff of yours to read. It is all so personal and yet uplifting to your readers. Thank you! MaryMouser@msn.com