potentially high risk

I had a doctor appointment yesterday for the baby. I left feeling really good and happy! And then I got a phone call.. my midwife wants me to see a high risk OB/GYN. Now I am feeling bummed.

Here is the story..

I was diagnosed with having a partially positive MTHFR, which is a rare blood clotting disorder. My original doctor wanted me to take the baby aspirin until I was 36 weeks pregnant. I did some research, talked to 2 other family members who were diagnosed with this as well, and I decided to stop taking the baby aspirin.

I went and saw a new midwife yesterday, she asked why I was on baby aspirin, I told her why they put me on it, and then told her that I stopped, she said she would talk to another midwife about what they think I should do (they just got back from an MTHFR seminar)

I get a phone call 3 hours later, letting me know she wants me to see a high risk OB/GYN to discuss my MTHFR.

My husband said they call it MTHFR for a reason because its a motherF'er.... that made me laugh!! :)


I am completely bummed. I don't want to be high risk. I don't want to have any complications. I want to have the freedom of all other non high risk pregnant peeps out there.

I was cheered up this morning when I opened my eyes and saw this:

lately

 







8 weeks and 16 weeks 4 days! :)

 I love love love watching the difference between my belly! I love comparing  8 weeks to what  am now pictures, and I feel validated that my belly really is growing!! :) Often times I wonder if I just imagine it, but it really is there!

Also I will note that I think I may have possibly felt a kick yesterday and today, although it could be gas, and all other sorts, it was exactly what I had imagined a kick would feel like. Just softer. I am sure I will know in a couple weeks if what I felt twice was really a kick.They were quiet times near my hip bone on my right side (where I find the heartbeat as well)  

Disclaimer- I also know anytime now I could feel a kick, so I could be hyper aware, but I swear I felt what I felt like a kick twice! and that really gets me excited. But I know realistically it could be a gas bubble, stretching ligaments, or whatever other crazy things are going on inside my body!

I have really felt the urge to bond with my  baby. But I am struggling.. I just don't know how to yet... I love it more than life itself! But I feel I should be doing more than loving it (and growing it) ... I think Jordan and I should start talking to him/her at night time, I think they can start to hear soon, if not already.

16 weeks

How far along: 16 weeks! I am 4 months! yay!!  
Total weight gain:  7.6 lbs
Maternity clothes:  I am wearing dresses on the weekend and the belly band to work! :) No "maternity clothes" but dresses kind of count! 
Best moment of the week:   getting the fetal heart doppler in the mail as a gift and hearing my baby's heartbeat! And finding my sister's baby's heart beat! 
Food cravings: none really this week
Food aversions: nothing really. 
Symptoms: growing pains, and watching my pants not fit anymore and my belly poke out more, other than that I am feeling great! 

boobs sore- still there, getting worse this week? 

cramps- not as much, a llittle more stretching I feel like.

tiredness- pretty much where I was pre pregnancy

irritability- back to normal. :)

acne- still the same, less prevelant

bloat- I am going to say its all baby now. :) 

 burning muscle pain in upper abdomen- all gone!

Movement: none yet! But I am getting really excited for it! 
Gender: 4 weeks away!

What I’m looking forward to: feeling movement! 
What I miss: nothing at the moment! LOVE LOVE LOVE knowing there is a little baby in my belly!! It is just the most amazing thing ever!!!! I also am loving the start of my baby bump! 
Next appt: July 26th! :) With my new midwife!

How big is baby: Get ready for a growth spurt. In the next few weeks, your baby will double his weight and add inches to his length. Right now, he's about the size of an avocado: 4 1/2 inches long (head to rump) and 3 1/2 ounces. His legs are much more developed, his head is more erect than it has been, and his eyes have moved closer to the front of his head. His ears are close to their final position, too. The patterning of his scalp has begun, though his locks aren't recognizable yet. He's even started growing toenails. And there's a lot happening inside as well. For example, his heart is now pumping about 25 quarts of blood each day, and this amount will continue to increase as your baby continues to develop.  (from babycenter.com) 

8 weeks

12 weeks

16 weeks

I am super bummed that I can't tell more of a difference in those pictures... I can't really figure out why... I mean look at the difference on my cell phone.... 

8 weeks 

12 weeks

15 weeks 

is it because my boobs have grown too? I was super excited to do a comparison this week, but I was a little disappointed to see that I could hardly tell the difference. Oh well. I know my belly is growing!!! and to me it is big now!! I can't wait for the upcoming weeks, they say that is when it grows grows grows!! :)

photography lately

I haven't been posting  very many of my photography sessions , I have decided to make this blog more about my life and less about my business. Of course a big chunk of my life is still photography, but with the pregnancy it isn't the main focus anymore! I will be opening up a professional photography website and blog soon! :) So you can always follow my work there if you would like to see more of my work! Also I have a facebook page you can see my work as well!

But...

I thought it was time to share some! :)

July wasn't been very busy for my photography business. Part of me is ok with that since it allows me some free time, but another part of me worries and that I need to start working on expanding my business and reaching more people. But when do I do that? Do I wait until after the baby comes?

15 weeks- July 14

I am getting better at posting these closer to my actual week! :) It is the pictures that are stallling me! :) sometimes it just doesn't want to upload pictures for me.

I sometimes still can't even believe I really am pregnant! I worry what if this really isn't happening? Of course, I am pulled back into reality when I see my beautiful baby on our ultrasound picture hanging on our fridge and when I go to the doctor and hear our baby's beautiful heartbeat! This is so AMAZING. I feel so incredibly blessed to be experiencing this! And the further along I get the more in awe I am!! I just can't freakin' believe I am pregnant!! brings tears to my eyes!

14 weeks 6 days- close enough to 15 weeks! :) Plus I am wearing a tight shirt so you can see it better! :)



Me today 15 weeks 5 days - at work in the bathroom! :)



How far along: 15 weeks! WOW! So far this is flying by! I love it!
Total weight gain: 6.4 lbs
Maternity clothes:  wearing the belly band! and my pants are getting more uncomfortable.
Sleep: I could NOT get comfortable for the life of me the entire week! After 7 days of just feeling exhausted I discovered pillows. They help me get comfortable! woot woot!
Best moment of the week:   spending the week with my little sister and big sister!
Food cravings: none really this week
Food aversions: The thought of Juicing still makes me a little queasy but it has really eased up a lot!
Symptoms: growing pains, and watching my pants not fit anymore and my belly poke out more, other than that I am feeling great!

boobs sore- still there, but not as bad

cramps- not as much, a llittle more stretching I feel like.

tiredness- pretty much where I was pre pregnancy

irritability- back to normal. :)

acne- still the same, less prevelant

bloat- I am going to say its all baby now. :) 

 burning muscle pain in upper abdomen- all gone!

Movement: none yet! But I am getting really excited for it!
Gender: 5 weeks away!

What I’m looking forward to: My growing belly, finding out gender, feeling movement! 
What I miss: nothing at the moment! LOVE LOVE LOVE knowing there is a little baby in my belly!! It is just the most amazing thing ever!!!! I also am loving the start of my baby bump!
Next appt: July 25th! :) With my new midwife!

How big is baby: 

Your growing baby now measures about 4 inches long, crown to rump, and weighs in at about 2 1/2 ounces (about the size of an apple). She's busy moving amniotic fluid through her nose and upper respiratory tract, which helps the primitive air sacs in her lungs begin to develop. Her legs are growing longer than her arms now, and she can move all of her joints and limbs. Although her eyelids are still fused shut, she can sense light. If you shine a flashlight at your tummy, for instance, she's likely to move away from the beam. There's not much for your baby to taste at this point, but she is forming taste buds. (http://www.babycenter.com/)

My thoughts on breastfeeding

I thought it would be fun for me to talk about my thoughts on certain topics before I experience motherhood. It will be fun to look back and see how much my thoughts stayed the same or turned out differently. I will do a follow up post after I have experienced breastfeeding for a while, and see how things turn out! :)


My thoughts on breastfeeding...
 before I have any experience what so ever.


I really want to breastfeed. I am willing to do whatever it takes to give it my best shot. I am well aware (in the non experienced kind of way) breastfeeding is hard work and doesn't come easily for mom and baby's sometimes. So I know there is a chance that it won't happen, or that I may not be able to for as long as I would like. However. My thoughts are this:  I want to do whatever it takes to breastfeed. I want to fight hard for it, and hope that over time it would become easy for me and the baby and we will get our groove thing and be a great team of milk supplier, and milk eater.

 I want to exclusively contact feed for the first maybe 6 weeks. Then I still would like to mainly contact feed but when husband and I go out for date night, have grandparents watch the baby and pump and bottle feed, also have dad in on the action of feeding once in a while. I don't have the details or know how baby's react to the different feeding method, or how to introduce both kinds of feeding yet.

I want to continue giving my baby breastmilk for the first year of baby's life. I think once the baby gets on solid food, or we start introducing food, and milk isn't a huge source of baby's diet (again not sure when that is) I would like to stop contact feeding and strictly pump.


My fears of breastfeeding

-that I will hate it! I am so scared that I won't like the feeling of  breastfeeding. I am afraid that it will annoy me. Realistically I don't think I will, but a tiny part of me, is like " what if I don't like it"

-that I won't be able to handle it. That I will struggle with supply and melt in the high stress of it all. I know my husband and family would be supportive if that happened, but I as a mom, I want to enjoy it, love it, and handle it all with ease (in my dreams, right?)

-lastly that I won't produce enough. I have listened to my friends and heard what their doctors told them and read some blogs about it, so this fear has dwindled down and is pretty small fear. I do know that there is a chance, small chance, but stilla chance that I can't produce enough milk. I am so thankful for having such open friends because I have learned awesome things such as cluster pumping among others that help with supply if  I do happen to struggle with that.


I plan on using any and all people to ask questions and to hopefully help guide me through the breastfeeding journey.

I also do know that if for whatever reason breastfeeding doesn't work out, I will be ok with formula. I know so many baby's that are on formula instead of breastmilk and that is fine with me. I know that the baby will be fine. I believe its important for mom and baby to be happy, and if they can't find a solution with breastfeeding formula works!

 (Ok now remember, I am a first time mom.. you know we are crazy!I am telling you my thoughts and envision. I FULLY know these things may not pan out that way. so take my thoughts for what they are... thoughts in my head)

My thoughts on experiencing the first trimester

The first trimester was harder than I thought it would be! But not as bad in the same breath...

May 9th- BFP! Such a surreal feeling. I felt like I was floating on a cloud! I was scared for about a week that this precious gift would be taken away from me. I was worried it was too good to be true. (I am 15 weeks and still think that)

May 12th- I didn't know what was going on, but I was not myself. I was so tired I couldn't even sit up! I just wanted to lay, and sleep, and just didn't even have a thought in my head. It was cloudy. This is the day the sickness started.

Me and my sea bands being sick, Porky watching over me

May 12th- May 27th the sickness didn't stop. EVER. I was so sick. I never knew that was what morning sickness was. I thought morning sickness was a quick nauseous, throw up, and feel better. BOY was I in for an awakening!! I couldn't find the energy to do anything, I was a walking zombie. I did what I had to, and that was it. I found eating non stop helped me. A good friend also gave me her sea bands to help with the sickness- it helped about 70%, and I felt like death. No joke. So 70% was really good. I could live without complaining. :) (well mostly) Also thanks to another great friend I discovered gum and life savors (mint) helped it be a little more managable. Those things helped me get through work. I remember laying on my husband saying "I am not sure how I will make it through another 6 weeks of this" I am so thank ful that he was so wonderful through those times. He was super busy and stressed out, and me not feeling good and not helping with the house at all.. didn't make things easier. but never once did he say anything to me. He laid and watched movies with me when he could. He hugged me when I wanted him too. He has been nothing but supportive. I know my first trimester rough patch was so much easier delt with because of him.

after May 27th I got a couple day break was feeling pretty good! After that I would get sick, but it was only for a few hours a day. Then it pretty much disappeared after a week of that!

All in all I am really blessed to have only been sick for 3 weeks!! But those three weeks were worse than I ever envisioned.

I didn't throw up, which I thought I would, hoped I wouldn't, but always thought I would. The sickness didn't last as long as I thought it would either. I also was shocked at my growing belly and how quick it happened! I am sure nobody else could see, but I sure could!

Food Aversions-

Juices, my homemade all natural juices- One of the things that helped me start ovulating again. It made my stomach turn! The smell of it would make me want to gag. I forced it down for several weeks because I was afraid I would miscarry if I didn't. But slowly I started juicing less and less (not on purpose) and the baby is still healthy and happy! But juicing... ick. I still can't!

First trimester cravings

I started craving chocolate milk around the 11th week. But other than that nothing really. More things that DON'T sound good than do.

I got a couple stretch marks in the first trimester- which also was unexpected!! I was really worried (ok I still am a little) that I got stretch marks so early, and what will my body look like when I am not pregnant anymore, but I know that every stretch mark, pound gained, lack of sleep, irritability, crazy emotion, is totally worth every second. I am pregnant! That is just amazing. I am blessed to have a child inside of me growing and living off of me! WHAT A MIRACLE!


8 week- dating ultrasound



that brings me to another unsuspected thing in the first trimester- irritability. I was really irritable from 5 weeks until 10 weeks! I was surprised! I guess I never anticipated that.

I hope this post doesn't sound like complaining! Because that is not my intent. My intent is to talk about what I expected and how it really went! I am truly beyond grateful I am blessed to have this child and carry this child that my husband and I created and the Lord blessed us with!

 


8 wks



10 weeks



12 weeks



14 weeks- July 8th

How far along: 14 weeks! 
How big is baby: "your baby can now squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his thumb! Thanks to brain impulses, his facial muscles are getting a workout as his tiny features form one expression after another. His kidneys are producing urine, which he releases into the amniotic fluid around him — a process he'll keep up until birth. He can grasp, too, and if you're having an ultrasound now, you may even catch him sucking his thumb.
 Total weight gain: 6.4 lbs
Maternity clothes:  wearing the belly band! But my jeans aren't working with that anymore..
Sleep: It has been fine, still waking up once a night to go to the bathroom. I had a night where no matter what I couldn't get comfortable!! I couldn't sleep.
Best moment of the week:  I was in Iowa photographing (I never know what to say shooting or photographing... I feel like shooting is so wrong, but I like that much better than photographing, that word is so stuffy.) a wedding! It was super hot but a beautiful wedding!
Food cravings: chicken noodle soup
Food aversions: The thought of Juicing still makes me a little queasy but it has really eased up a lot!
Symptoms: growing pains, and watching my pants not fit anymore and my belly poke out more, other than that I am feeling great!

boobs sore- still there, but not as bad

cramps- not as much

tiredness- pretty much where I was pre pregnancy

irritability- back to normal. :)

acne- still the same, less prevelant

bloat- hard to say, belly? baby? bloat? all? :) I definitely bloat after i eat! :)

 burning muscle pain in upper abdomen- almost 100% gone!

Movement: none yet! 
Gender: a month and a half way

What I’m looking forward to: My growing belly, finding out gender, feeling movement! 
What I miss: nothing at the moment! LOVE LOVE LOVE knowing there is a little baby in my belly!! It is just the most amazing thing ever!!!!
Next appt: July 25th! :) With my new midwife!

In other news: Your baby's stretching out. From head to bottom, he measures 3 1/2 inches — about the size of a lemon — and he weighs 1 1/2 ounces. His body's growing faster than his head, which now sits upon a more distinct neck. By the end of this week, his arms will have grown to a length that's in proportion to the rest of his body. (His legs still have some lengthening to do.) He's starting to develop an ultra-fine, downy covering of hair, called lanugo, all over his body. Your baby's liver starts making bile this week — a sign that it's doing its job right — and his spleen starts helping in the production of red blood cells. Though you can't feel his tiny punches and kicks yet, your little pugilist's hands and feet (which now measure about 1/2 inch long) are more flexible and active. - copy and pasted from http://www.babycenter.com/ (it isn't me saying "his" or "her" its babycenter. )

13 weeks- July 1st

So I am changing my bumpdate up a little bit. My real due date the doctor gave me is January 5th. Originally I wasn't going to go with that because I am measuring at Jan 8th. Well I am so excited about this pregnancy that I have started thinking in my heads and counting my weeks on Saturdays. So here I am switching it up! :) Also- I didn't like the black background, and I hated my outfit for the pictures, for now on, its where ever I am, in whatever I am! :)


no picture this week, I have been slacking on that!! I will get better.


How far along: 13 weeks! 
How big is baby: Total weight gain: 5.2 lbs
Maternity clothes:  wearing the belly band!
Sleep: It has been fine, still waking up once a night to go to the bathroom. I had a night where no matter what I couldn't get comfortable!! I couldn't sleep.
Best moment of the week:  It was a busy week of editing and getting ready for a wedding I was shooting in Iowa
Food cravings: none really this week
Food aversions: The thought of Juicing still makes me a little queasy but it has really eased up a lot!
Symptoms: growing pains, and watching my pants not fit anymore and my belly poke out more, other than that I am feelign great!

boobs sore- still there, but not as bad

cramps- not as much

tiredness- pretty much where I was pre pregnancy

irritability- back to normal. :)

acne- still the same, less prevelant

bloat- hard to say, belly? baby? bloat? all? :) I definitely bloat after i eat! :)

 burning muscle pain in upper abdomen- almost 100% gone!

Movement: none yet! 
Gender: a month and a half way

What I’m looking forward to: My growing belly, finding out gender, feeling movement! 
What I miss: nothing at the moment! LOVE LOVE LOVE knowing there is a little baby in my belly!! It is just the most amazing thing ever!!!!
Next appt: July 25th! :) With my new midwife!

Fingerprints have formed on your baby's tiny fingertips, the veins and organs are clearly visible through the still-thin skin, and baby's body is starting to catch up with his/her head — which makes up just a third of his/her body size now. If you're having a girl, she now has more than 2 million eggs in her ovaries. Your baby is almost 3 inches long (the size of a medium shrimp) and weighs nearly an ounce. (taken from http://www.babycenter.com/)