For me!

 I AM determined to make 2012 a rockin year for me!

I made my new years resolutions, you can see them here. And I really want to fulfill them to the best of my ability!  Plus do some other stuff! So I thought I would check in, considering we are about to end the 1st quarter of the year

Continually grow and develop my relationship with Christ- I feel like I am doing a good job with that. I am continually plugging away at reading the bible, and have been finding ways to worship and praise Him, I have been spending a lot of time with him. I of course need more! And could be doing a lot more!

Grow an even stronger bond with my husband- We just completed a weekend marriage event called Love & Respect, and I absolutely LOVED it!! I learned a lot, and not only grew closer to my husband, I grew closer to Christ while taking that class. It was great! I highly highly highly recommend it! I actually want to sit down and really think and reflect on the packet! I feel like I can absorb so much more by going back and reading my notes and reading the packet. I of course, want to continue working on growing an even stronger bond with my husband! I love marriage and really think it is amazing! I can't even describe how thankful I am for my marriage! Seriously. Even though it is hard, and misunderstandings and disagreements happen..but seriously, I love having my husband there for me no matter what,  always someone I can rely on, someone who most likely knows me better than I know myself.

Process and procedures and growing in my photography business- I did the Easter session, which I was extremely happy with the turn out!!! I hope the support for my business continues! I actually have a  meeting with an awesome gal tonight to discuss our businesses! I have started processes and procedures for my business thanks to those awesome business meetings we have!

work on gaining more self confidence- on this weekly weigh in I talked about how I really felt like I needed to gain self confidence in order to lose weight. I continue to really feel this on my heart. It is a little slower process than I would like it to be! Why can't I just wake up one day and think I am beautiful and have the weight melt off me overnight! Of course, I think I am beatuiful but there is always that "but" in there. So it is a work in progress. And I am focusing on loving my body, just the way it is.

Eat healthier- I would say that I haven't worked on this yet this year. I have been trying, which has been failed attempts. This is still my goal, and I would like to accomplish this!

Get more organized- this definitely has not even been on my radar. I think about it a lot because I LOVE being organized. I feel like life has taken me in and I don't have a lot of time for "me" things, or when I do, I want to be lazy and watch TV, which only seems to happen once a week now. CRAZY HUH?! I think my goal for the rest of 2012 is do one organizing thing a month! I like that!

weekly weigh in week 10

weight loss this week: 0


Total weight loss: + 1.6 


Average: (10 weeks in) 0.

Exercise: I quit taking the elevator at work, it isn't a lot, but I am on third floor. Plus the vending machines are on the lower level, I usually get a diet mountain dew down there, and on bad days some jalepeno cheetohs, but since I have decided to take the stairs I have managed to talk myself out of walking down and up 4 flights of stairs, just to get unhealthy things! :) That actually came as a surprise to me! On Saturday I also went on a 2 mile walk, that was nice! I have decided that I am not focusing on exercise just yet in my weight loss journey, more about that later in the post


Juicing: I juiced twice. But the 5 days I didn't juice I drank Naked juice,  I know that isn't AS good for me (they heat it up to have a longer shelf life killing some good stuff) but still way better than nothing and its all natural! So yes, I wish I juiced more, and I am working on that for this week.

My pills: I took my pills 6 out of 7 days!! Go me!! :) Saturday was the only day I missed! And I thought about them, but I wasn't at my house.


update on my cycle: I haven't BBT charted (taking my morning temperature to determine where in my cycle I am) in a while, but I know I ovulated, my boobs are a hurtin'! Of course this always excites me! I am in the two week wait! Part of me feels really excited and think it really could be this month! But then part of me thinks, yes, Tara for a normal girl it could be this month, but you have issues, and you have to remember that. I know I am ovulating but the "two week wait" just seems so unreal for me! That I am actually in it! 17 months of trying, and I feel like I am in the final hours (so to speak) of waiting! I know my "final hours" could take 6 months, but seriously, what is 6 more months to 17 months! ya know? Or ok if it takes 17 more months at least I am halfway through it! I just feel like I have made it through a hurdle, and maybe that it is because I am feeling safe that I am actually going to be ovulating every month as long as I keep up with my juicing!

Overall: I am disappointed that I haven't lost any weight, and am actually up 1.6 lbs. I just have to find my groove and unfortunately 10 weeks in and I am still searching for it. I wish I could have just lost 1 lbs a week! That is 10 lbs I would have been down! but I know I can't think that way. I know thinking that way can just depress me, and then I would give up.

I am finding myself in this journey and what works for me and what doesn't. Doing all or nothing, clearly wasn't working for me. I know God is in me and I can do all things through Him. But I am thinking I need to build to that. I can't just change my lazy habbits over night (well I can.. but too hard for my lazy self!) If it was that easy nobody would struggle. Right? So what have I done?  I revised again! :) I wasn't ever getting in my exercise, and I was feeling guilty about that. So I got to thinking, 80% of weight loss is diet, 20% is exercise. Why not try and get more hold on the 80% before I work on the 20%. I will work on exercise and I want to make that a part of my daily life eventually, but I am putting that on the back burner for right now. No more expecting myself to wake up at the butt crack of dawn (well in my case, before the butt crack of dawn) and I feel relieved.  Here is what I am focusing on.

-no longer take the elevator at work
-drink 80 ounces of water a day
-take my pills every day
-no more than 600 calories at home (monday - Friday)
-no more than 900 calories at work (monday-Friday)

Obviously, I will keep changing and re arranging things until I find my groove, and I can lose weight! I have a goal of losing 10 lbs by May 1st, and would like to lose 3 more for my husbands birthday (May 23rd) 13 lbs down for his birthday would feel good! 

I also have been thinking about something Joyce Meyer says.. not to ask yourself how you feel about things, but just do them!

I will not fear

Isaiah 41:10
       So do not fear, for I am with you; do not be dismayed, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you; I will uphold you with my righteous right hand.


On Sunday night I went to chic night with a very good friend at her church. I had such a great experience! God really spoke to me during that message. So much so that I had tears that wouldn't stop coming while I was praying after the service (which is totally not me! I do NOT like to cry, I do everything I can to stop it).  God answered my prayer that night!

  I can't tell you the mornings and nights I would pray for God to help me lose weight, figure out what I need to do, and to give me the strength to follow through. I was getting so frustrated! I couldn't get myself to watch my calories, I couldn't get myself to get on that treadmill or do any sort of exercise!
       Sunday night it just "clicked". Even though I knew the answer all along,  I couldn't figure it out.  I still don't know why it took this message for me to get it through my thick head. But I got it. So clear.

The Holy Spirit is in me. He wants me to do everything, and perfectly. I have the power within me, always to do exactly what I want and need to do. I just have to dig deep and find His strength inside of me!! ::ANGELS SINGING:: That is the point where I wanted to just jump up and scream YES! YES! AMEN! 
  Hello Tara! I have had God's strength with me all along, I just need some discipline! Of course my fleshly self isn't going to want to wake up an hour and 15 minutes before I have to! Of course my fleshly self isn't going to want to walk or run after a long day at work! Of course my fleshly self is going to want to eat 3,000 calories a day of pure sugar! But I know that isn't what I should be doing. I need to take care of this vehicle (my body) God has given me. God wants me to take care of my body. He wants me to be the healthiest person I can be! He wants me to have babies, probably more than I want to have babies! He wants to see my husband and I live a long happy healthy life together! To get those things I need to choose healthy choices! God has given me the strength of Him inside me ALL ALONG! The Holy Spirit. I have the strength to do this!

So what do I need to do? Dig deep inside me and find God and know he gave me the strength to do this.

I can't base my choices of what I "feel" like doing! I have my "perfect" schedule mapped out, and I need to do it, and not ask myself what I think about it! because of course at first I will want to be lazy instead of this nice healthy stuff! But eventually it will be second nature! And even on the days i don't feel like it, I will know I can just get through it!

weekly weigh in

eight loss this week: + 1.6

Total weight loss: + 1.6

Average: (9 weeks in)  0.

Exercise-  none. Lame.

Juicing- Getting a little better and a little more consistent.

My pills- I took them 5 out of 7 days! :)  

update on my cycle status-  I was almost positive I wasn't going to ovulate this time around, with last cycle being wonky, and hardly getting my period. but I am almost positive I ovulated sometime this weekend! It is crazy! I actually shouldn't ovulate for another week according to my previous cycles. i am on cycle day 23, and already ovulated! Normally I have been ovulating on cylce day 28, consistantly. But my boobs are sore today! and a little sore yesterday, and usually the increasing soreness has meant I have been ovulating. I have not been taking my temperture in the mornings, my main reason for wanting to check, was when I first got my period in October, I wanted to make sure I was actually ovulating, and wasnt getting my period with out ovulating. Which can happen. So I charted for a couple months, 3? and saw my temps doing  exactly what they should (just in longer stretches than most women) and that has eased my mind enough to stop charting, and let God work his magic on when He will bless us with a child. :)



Ok, tonight I am taking more pictures, I promise! But I like this shot of myself so I decided to share it again!



 

overall- I am actually really surprised I gained weight. For majority of the week I was counting calories and doing fairly well with that, but towards the end of the week (AKA the weekend) I did eat a lot of high sodium food along with sweating during my mini photo sessions I did this week. I honestly think that is what it is, and I don't think its a true weight gain. I drank water but only 60 ounces on Saturday and 20 ounces on Sunday. so not enough I don't think.

 

I have more to say about this, but I am going to save it for another post because I think it deserves its own post! :)

If you are my friend

you will totally catching me saying these things...


- Fo' Shizzle! = for sure
-Amen to that sista! = SO TRUE, couldn't agree more!
-tude = attitude
-ob! (like bob without the first b) = obviously
-BTW= need I say more??
-just a fwuah = just an FYI
-totes! = totally
cereal = seriously
for realsies= for real, totally serious.
too school for cool= need I explain?? :)
oi vei!
fabulous!! ( in an awesome singsong voice)


I got to thinking tonight about what a huge dork I am!! haha!! I often catch myself saying such dorky things like 'tude instead of attitude, those are things my dad says to be cool!! NOT ME!! haha. The rest I say because it makes me smile. :)


HAVE A FABULOUS FRIDAY!! Stay safe this weekend!

I am doing my Easter mini session and I am so excited and nervous about it! I have little moments of sheer utter excitement where I squeal like a little school girl, and other moments where I am on the verge of biting my fingernails completely off!

Here is a sneak peak of what I will be doing this weekend! :)

weekly weigh in

So last week I didn't weigh in. I totally forgot! I was feeling under the weather all week, and it only continued to get worse through the week. But I am finally on the mend!

weight loss this week(and last): 0

Total weight loss: 0

Average: (8 weeks in)  0.

Exercise-  I walked twice, but I think for a total of 20 minutes.

Juicing- I juiced twice in the past two weeks.

My pills- bad! I took them half the time, both weeks.

 

update on my cycle status-  My cycle went away after 3 days. I was disappointed but not surprised, this is the most i have been slacking since my periods have started. Why wouldn't this happen! ya know?

 

overall- Last weigh in I ranted about how I am not doing lots of things and how I am frustrated. But I have a new prospective on things.  I feel God has been working in me and really telling me that I need to work on my self confidence and really learn to love myself just the way I am, before  I can lose the weight. "I need to be happy and accept my body for what it is, and the weight will come off naturally"  that is what I feel God has been telling me. And honestly I don't know why, but my confidence has really been low for the last 2 years. No reason other than I am unhappy with my apperance. I am unhappy with how big I am and I feel I am not attractive anymore. I feel when people look at me (that have known me for a while) they think "wow she has gained weight" and then I get even more self concience. I know this is a terrible cycle and I need to stop it. I need to find the beautiful things about myself, and build my self esteem, bcause the better you feel about yourself the better you want to take care of yousrself. When  I am dressed cute, and feel confident, I want to eat healthy. But if I look like crap (which is usually because I feel like crap about myself) I eat like crap. So for me there is a definite correlation there. I know God will help me through this and I know I will succeed in my weight loss journey. I just need to listen to Him and accept and love myself (which does mean taking care of myself too)

a guest post!

Hey all! Today I am gust posting at  life as Mrs H

come check it out!!


 I am really proud of this post!

Its about marriage! And you all know my passion with that!! :)

This speaks to my heart.

As long as I can remember I have had such a love for Africa, and a yearning to help the children in Africa. I can't even describe the desire I have to go and make a huge dent in Africa for the children!! I want to save them all! I want be there for all the kids!! I want to rescue all the children sex slaves, I want to save all the children soldiers, I want to save all the scared, hungry, thirsty, sad kids in Africa!!! So bad!! My desires to go to Africa have been becoming stronger and stronger as of lately! In the new year my hope was that my dream could come true, and I could go on a missions trip with a church near my home, they go to Swaziland (between mozambique and south africa) they help with the children, and also help with water. I was so excited thinking that 2012 was the year, unfortunately, news of my husbands job is increasingly unstable, and the trip is $3,000, plus my husband wants to go with, so that is $6,000. Plus we have to get passports. It defeats me a little to know that we cant go this year, but I know God has a plan for me, and I know that one of His plans is to bring me to Africa to help in any way I can. And maybe not bring me to Africa (that could be my wishful thinking) but to bring awareness. This Kony 2012 has my heart pumping!! I want to jump on a plane and do anything and everything to capture this guy!!!

This video is amazing, and I speaks directly to my heart. this is the first time I feel like someone is explaining THE EXACT REASON WHY I LOVE AND CARE FOR AFRICA. all that is mentioned in that video is the exact reason I need to help Africa!! so please. watch this video.  I have watched it 3 times already.

lately

One of my favorites from a session I did last weekend! ( I am still editing) 

I feel so removed from the blogging world lately! I haven't had time to read as many blogs as I normally like, and I have really been focusing on my photography lately. Which I totally love, but at the same time things like reading books, reading blogs, and watching movies has really taken a backseat! I know things will continue to get crazier (well at least I hope! with photo sessions picking up!) And I am going to be doing an easter mini session in two weeks that I really need to start preparing for and promoting! (anyone in the Minneapolis area $50 mini photo session March 17th and 18th! If you get 3 friends to do it with you, your session will be free!) 

I am really looking to create a balance between everything, and so far I am succeeding! I am balancing things very nicely so far! I hope to continue with this trend! 

Well I am off to bed! Need my rest! I am teaching Sunday school tomorrow!