Sunday, August 7, 2011


Some of you may know that I am struggling with infertility from here and here and here and here.  I have tried medication twice to get an induced cycle, because well it is dangerous to go this long without a cycle( I am being polite for you squeamish readers... appreciate). And to be honest I have secret hopes that it will kick start my body into knowing what it should do. Well this last attempt(taking meds), looked like it was going to work, it really did! I felt like it, seemed like it. But nothing. "of course." "Why would it work for me." Those are my negative, uncensored thoughts. But something finally clicked in me, and I have been on a role! ( Not to mention extremely emotional, and about to break down and cry at any moment in regards to me becoming a mother) But due to this whole medical jargon (that I won't get into) lots of women have had success getting pregnant when controlling their diet and exercise. GREAT! 

 I don't like telling people that because I am not infertile because I am fat. Actually I am not fat. I could lose weight, yes. But I am not fat. And I feel like when I tell people about how some women can get pregnant when they control their diet and exercise I feel like they think its because I am fat. I had someone say "oh, its a weight issue" (she also topped the scale at probably 90 pounds and is like 5'9... that didn't help) It isn't a weight issue, at all. It is a hormone issue, exercise releases a hormone that helps with something that could trigger my hormones to start doing what they should, and begin to go into their normal ranges! Also because of PCOS I am insulin resistant, so watching my carbs and sugars, will help as well. I knew I wanted to work on this and do this stuff, but I have so much that I want to get done and do that exercise got pushed off, and well carbs and sugar are my weakness. So it got pushed to the back burner. I was so inconsistent with my running, but since the warrior dash, and my husband got involved in running, I have been on a role this week! And it feels GREAT!! I ran 5 days out of the last 7 days! Tonight I ran my quickest! I also have recently made a decision to be carb conscious.  

 My birthday is less than a month a way and I know that it is going to be a hard day for me. I always thought I would be pregnant on this birthday, or have kids. To know that I have basically no chance whatsoever that this will happen by my oh yea.. positive thoughts.

It feels so wonderful to be on such a positive road in this journey. I do not know if I feel like my journey is close to the end, but I hope and pray that it is!

my awesome new running shoes! To go along with my attitude of I can do this!


  1. You are such an amazing woman for sharing your story! I wish that you could see the finish line to motherhood like you can when running a race, but God can, and I pray for your family that it is soon!

  2. Thank you for so candidly sharing this story...

    {I have to tell you, a friend of mine struggled with much the same processes and results for almost 8 years. Ultimately, she used a donor egg and was blessed with a beautiful baby girl. Two years later and completely void of all medical assistance, she was expecting again.}

    I pray that the new efforts help you reach your goal. Your spirit is already a mother, and I know that it will happen for you. Praying for your dreams to be fulfilled.

    As for that birthday? It's going to be magical and the year ahead will be amazing.

    Oh, and cool running shoes.

  3. I'm praying for you.

    Marla @

  4. :0( I hope this works for you, I mean God can do anything! I have a friend that was pretty much sure she would never have a child of her own and she is turning 40 this month... she is pregnant with her first. She's overjoyed. I know it is easy for me to say, but just trust God, He will get you through this! I'll be praying for you.

    I just wanted to mention that I found you through Mandy's (can't think of her last name) blog and I enjoyed looking at your photos, but then I saw that you were doing a 5k and stuff!!! I am doing one in 7 wks and man do I have to lose weight! I hope I am able to do it. Right now I am aiming for jogging, but we shall see! :0) At least I have a goal now! It really has motivated me so I completely understand how you feel.

    Oh and just ignore people!!! I don't think we all really think about what we say before we say it, ya know?

  5. I can so relate! I went through 7 years of PCOS infertility... and it feels awful when people make assumptions.

    This will sound weird... but I didn't have much weight to lose, but when I did? I got pregnant. I am not even insulin resistant... it was just crazy timing for when I dropped the extra weight and it seemed to kickstart my body.

    What you are doing - is such a positive thing for getting your body ready for a baby anyway! You're making your body and life healthier, so think of it still as making huge steps toward that!

    I know that seeing a "deadline" come and go is so hard - don't lose hope! :)

  6. I'll be praying for you! My greatest advice - for what it's worth, as difficult as it is, don't stress. I think the exercise goes a long way to reducing stress. My own mother struggled for 7 years with infertility, finally adopted me, and when the pressure to have a baby was off, my brother was conceived a year later - no treatment, no effort. I have a couple friends who have PCOS and conceived when the began to exercise, cut carbs and took the pressure off themselves to conceive. It would be difficult for anyone to conceive in the midst of a stressful situation.
    Thanks for sharing your story!!

  7. I am sending you positive thoughts on the baby-making. :) I know you will be a wonderful mom. Just stick to the positive thoughts and the few limitations you might need to take if that helps. Be positive it really helps.

  8. I love your attitude.
    My sister is also in this infertility situation and that can be very though on you.
    I also know the feeling, because I had my son when I was 39, after almost two years of trying and you know... being kind of mechanical with all the conception situation. I scheduled my first appointment with the infertility Dr and then before the consultation I got pregnant. I am now 45 and still trying for my second. Nothing is impossible, right?
    Hang in there, it will happen to you.
    I will pray for you.

  9. Sending thoughts, prayers, and hugs your way. You have such a wonderful attitude (even with the negative thoughts... only normal).