Monday weigh in

weight loss this week: +2   (are you seeing a trend? Because I am! -2, + 2! The same stinkin 2 lbs!)

Total weight loss: 0

Average: (6 weeks in)  0!!! ugh

Exercise-   I walked twice this week. A small improvement, but an improvement non the less.

Juicing- twice this week. Definitely need to get better, but my life has been feeling hectic lately. And I was really focusing on my photography this week (which I TOTALLY LOVED EVERY MINUTE OF IT!)

My pills- bad! I think I am starting to see a trend with this as well... I Need to take my pills.

update on my cycle status-  Last week I told you I ovulated, and Sunday I got my period! I am still ecstatic that I am ovulating, but this month was the first time where I was was like "MAN, I was hoping I was pregnant" Of course I always do, but the last 3 times it has happened I was so excited just knowing that my body  has started working properly!

 Now I think that is starting to wear off, and I have started hoping for pregnancy. Which we still have no idea, how that scenario will go. But I pray that it goes well and smooth and no losses, and THAT IT HAPPENS!! 

Babies and pregnancy  has really shifted to the back of my mind latley. I have really been working on my photography, organization, getting healthier(well THINKING about getting healthier), volunteering, and spending time with my husband. I am happy that the " I need a baby" feeling isn't so apparent, I am and have realized I can be happy without children if that is God's plan for Jordan and I. ( I however strongly believe that God will bless us with a child in due time)

overall-  I am really frustrated with myself. I know Mondays are a hard weigh in, coming off from the weekend, where I don't drink as much water and eat worse. But I want to have that looming in my head over the weekend too, so I can be aware. I am frustrated with myself because I know I can lose weight. And I am not doing it. I know I have time to get my butt on the treadmill, and I am not doing it. I often ask myself why can others do this so easily and for me I can't seem to get the hang of it, no matter how bad  I want it. I WANT IT BADLY, but at the same time... if I want it that badly then why am I not doing it?  I think I am stuck in a rutt. I am frustrated that I am 6 weeks in and at 0 lbs, even if you count the 2 lbs I am flucuating. THAT JUST PLAIN OLD SUCKS. I can do better than this. I am better than this.  I honestly haven't been happy with my weight in 3 years. SO WHY AM I NOT DOING IT?  I can't figure it out! I thought for sure getting diagnosed with PCOS would kick my into gear with working out like CRAZY. Eating CRAZY HEALTHY things! Watching what I ate, how much I ate, I thought it would turn me into ONE HEALTHY MACHINE. But it didn't. I can't figure out why that is. Laziness is the only thing I can come up with?? But I am not that lazy, I promise, I stay very busy. Am I weak? Is food my weakness? It is hard for me to say no? I love the taste? But I know what I should and shouldn't have. I just don't take enough time to think if I should or not? So is impulse my problem?

          Actually thinking about it, I think it is impulse. Someone wants mcdonalds, I think that sounds YUMMY, and then we head out the door. NOW what I should do, is take the time to calculate my calories, what I will have for dinner and what I already had, and what I can eat for lunch, and then adjust my meal ordering to allow for that.... BUT I DON'T!  See I told you I know how!! I just don't.

           I am really hoping I can get this together soon!! I want 2012 to be a kick ass year!  And I was going to take charge of my health and lose weight and do TONS of 5k's! And so far I am STRUGGLING, and SINKING!

          I also feel like I am failing by documenting this failure! But at the same time, I LOVE doing this for myself because it forces me to reflect! Which is really good for me! because otherwise I might tuck the scale away and eat a package of oreos. :)