I am going to start from the beginning... ish.
December 2008 I got engaged to the love of my life! I knew I wanted to marry him immediately. He was my dream guy. For realz. I was at my heaviest, and extremely insecure when he proposed. My clothes didn't fit, my fiance was thin and I was getting married! eeks!
December 2008- Aug 2009 I joined a gym, watched what I ate and lost 25 lbs, I was looking good, still had about 10 lbs to lose, but I was happy with my looks for my wedding day butI had dreams of losing 30 more lbs to be where I was when I was 15 years old ( I have since came to my senses)
After the wedding about 10-15 lbs came back on after several months (oops) and I started getting mad at myself and then started working on losing more weight again.
2010 we bought a house, and a couple months later, we decided we would start trying to have kids. I got off birth control and all of a sudden the weight was piling on, while I was trying to lose weight. I couldn't figure out what was going on, and the next month I didn't get my period, I had hopes I was pregnant... but the tests were negative, 3 months later with more weight piling on and still no period, I was starting to think something was wrong. 4 months with no period and significant weight gain I went to the doctor with a small (dreaded) suspicion I had PCOS (my sister was diagnosed with it a while back) and after a couple doctor visits I was diagnosed with PCOS too.
I started running, eating healthier, but still had hard time maintaining my weight, I was always gaining, I slowed it down quite a bit, but I swear if I let myself have a "free" day, I would gain 3 lbs and it would always stay and not go away!
still off and on about trying to actively lose weight, and reaching my heaviest. I started P90X. I was loving it. 3 days later, I found out I was pregnant (one of the happiest days of my life) and that is the day I stopped P90X as well.
I was super worried about being overweight and pregnant, it caused me a lot of anxiety. I did so good for awhile, and then I just started gaining weight. I had a couple weeks where I gained 4 lbs! My midwife says not to worry about it as long as I am not over indulging, my body is going to do what it is going to do and the baby probably had big growth spurts those weeks.
I have struggled with the weight gain, but now I am finding peace with it. I am drinking my water daily, I am not too swollen, I have a little swelling in my feet and hands, but not very much. I have stretchmarks, regardless of how often I lotion.
But I want my baby to be healthy, and I don't want to malnurish my baby because I don't want to gain another ounce during this pregnancy. I am beautiful for who I am, and my body is beautiful and knows what it is doing. I have a beautiful baby bump. I have salads for lunch most days and eat healthy dinners. I try to always eat my protein.
I am AWFUL at walking, or doing any sort of exercise!! but I can't expect perfection, and I am just telling the truth. I suck at the exercise part. Which I do kick myself for...
it was really hard to reach my fattest and feel beautiful, but I know I am eating healthy,ahem- mostly, don't get me wrong, I still indulge once in a while, and maybe more than I should, but I am finding a balance between my struggle with my unhappiness with my weight and enjoying my pregnant body/self.
At 32 weeks I have accepted I have gained more than I want, I don't have anxiety about it anymore, and I know that I will keep making healthy eating choices, eat lots of protein, drink lots of water, and I know once that baby comes out I will not be this weight.
pregnancy weight gain was harder on me than I expected. I knew I would gain weight while I was pregnant, I mean DUH, but I took it hard. It was hard for me to watch, it was hard to accept, and it weighed on me. I never would have guessed in a million years that seeing the number on the scale go up while being pregnant would have been so hard to accept!
But I have done it! I have accepted it, and I know that I will change this number on the scale as soon as this baby comes out! :)
Oh and of course EVERYTHING we women go through during pregnancy is worth it times a million!!