Sunday, January 23, 2011
things from the past affect the future
As many of you know, I do not like being alone when it is time for bed. I have to leave a light on and I still get scared. I have even called my dad at 4:30 in the morning because I heard voices in my house (for those of you who don't know that story, feel free to ask). I love when Jordan is able to be home with me at night and we can go to bed together, I sleep so much better! Well..
I was talking to my sister the other night, and we got into talking about how people live in fear. I never was afraid of the dark or afraid to be alone. I enjoyed it, I would sleep in complete darkness with the door shut. All by myself..
I never could piece together what happened that made me afraid to be alone at night. I blamed it on scary movies around halloween that got into my head and couldn't get them out. Last night my sister and I were talking and it hit us. There was something that triggered this to happen.
A couple years ago I lived with my sister and her boyfriend in an apartment, in Eden Prairie, nothing bad happens in Eden Prairie, we would always say. We would leave our patio door unlocked multiple times, mainly out of forgetting or wanting the breeze. I had went to bed early this particular night because I had to work the next morning. And I had shut the door, turned off all the lights. In the middle of the night I woke up because my door opened and the hallway light was on. I figured it was just Randi and Gabe and mumbled something and fell back asleep. The next morning I get a text from my sister asking me if I took all of her money and computer and camera. I thought... why would I do that, told her NO, not thinking anything of it, and she had said that someone was in our apartment and robbed us. Then I told her about the light and my door opening and it wasn't her. Well the thought of an intruder in your house really affects you. I tried to act tough and put a sticky note on our patio door saying "stay out of our apartment you piece of Sh** low life loser" Could you tell I was angry? To this day it is creepy to know that someone was in our house, and I was alone(in my room anyway) I found myself wondering if he used our toilet, what all did he see. and my sister who's personal belongings were stolen (mine were safe since they were in the bedroom with me) her camera all her personal moments, her computer with all of that information on it, how violating. It really does affect a person. And since then I have disliked sleeping alone. I won't sleep in the dark unless I am with someone else. Sometimes I sleep better during my afternoon nap with Jordan when it is just 1.5 hours. But to pinpoint the instant that changed your life (now my life hasn't been changed dramatically by any means) and you notice the changes and what causes it, is kind of crazy.